Keeping in mind that China is huge, and so the traditions are pretty diverse in the different areas, I will now go about trying to explain to you what a traditional Northeast China Chinese wedding is like. Difference from the U.S. number 1: Starting time. I had to meet my friend in a different area of the city at 6:30 a.m. Whoa. Didn’t really know that when I jumped at the chance to go. I might not have jumped quite so high if I had realized how early I was going to have to get up. But anyway. So we met about 6:30 a.m. and walked together to the bride’s parents’ house (read: apartment). The bride was there, in her beautiful white dress, getting her hair done. All the guests who were there for the bride were there. Of course, Chinese apartments are not large, so the vast majority of us were actually several stories lower, waiting outside the apartment building. And that’s pretty much what we did: waited. I met some Chinese people who were incredibly surprised to see a foreigner show up. But they all seemed to be tickled to have a foreigner, especially the mother of the bride. She liked me a lot.
Meanwhile, all the guests for the groom were apparently gathering at the apartment that the new couple will be moving in to. The groom and some of his friends had to drive to the girl’s place to go pick her up. This comes from the tradition of a girl being taken away from her own family and joining the groom’s family, although now the “new” residence is actually just for the couple and not the groom’s parents’ place. The groom arrived around 8 a.m. (an hour later than he was expected…) Apparently tradition has it that the bride’s family and friends have to resist the groom before letting him take her away. So the girl by then was sitting on a bed with the bedroom door closed and locked. The groom showed up, and knocked on the bedroom door (since the door to the apartment itself was standing wide open and he had walked right in). “Who is it?” “What do you want?” “No, you can’t come in!” It was fun to watch the bickering back and forth between the bride’s friends and the groom, of course knowing full well that he would eventually be let in. And when he was, the random foreigner was also pushed into the room to be able to see what was going on. Sometimes it’s really convenient to be a foreigner!
In the room, the groom presented the bride with some flowers and asked her to go with him. First she refused, but he managed to convince her. :) Then they had to eat some really really long noodles, symbolizing long life, and eggs, symbolizing fertility.
From there, the groom had to carry a shoeless bride down the several flights of stairs and out to the car waiting outside. In the car, he put her shoes on her. I’m not really sure why she wasn’t allowed to wear shoes out to the car, but apparently that’s the tradition. Maybe it has something to do with when Chinese women had really little feet from binding them, but I don’t know.
While that was going on, the rest of us quickly ran off and climbed into the cars lined up outside, waiting to take us all to the next stop…
Following custom, the groom took his new bride to their new house. Of course, all of us guests of the bride went, too. Upon arrival, the groom’s guests and parents were waiting to welcome the couple with firecrackers (a staple at any happy event in China). The couple went upstairs to the apartment and took some pictures, while the guests were allowed to go in and see the place as well.
I was a little surprised at this point, to realize that we had spent about half an hour being transported up to the new apartment, just to spend about fifteen minutes there. But apparently that’s the tradition. So I just followed my friend back out to the cars, waiting to take us away again, this time to go to the restaurant where the main part of the reception would be held.
Everything that was familiar to me about this wedding was done at the restaurant. The couple came in and walked down an “aisle” in the big hall. Of course there was no pastor, but there was a cheesy MC who apparently has the authority to marry people. But only if he also can entertain the guests. So he would randomly sing weird songs for us and try telling jokes. Perhaps they would have been funnier if I had understood any of them, but whatever. I was just struck by the way China really has no concept of formal, elegant, or classic tastes. During the “ceremony” part of at the restaurant, there was a strobe light going, and the music was mostly oldies love songs. Except the electro version of Canon in D. That was entertaining. Even the way the guests dressed proves the lack of taste: no kidding, there was someone wearing an Adidas track suit. Most people were wearing jeans or any sort of regular daily clothes. Anyway.
The part at the restaurant that resembled the wedding ceremony in the U.S. included some vows, the kiss, the rings, etc. In addition to those things, it also included what reminded me of a Unity Candle… except that they lit a firecracker or sparkler thing instead of a normal candle! And at first I thought it had no religious significance, until they stood back and reverently put their hands together, waiting until the firecracker went out. I didn’t get a very clear explanation about the background of that, so I can’t pass any information along. Sorry.
The couple also had to kowtow (bow) to the parents and to each other, showing respect and reverence. Then they greeted each of the parents, called them Mom and Dad (for the first time – it’s Aunt and Uncle until then), and were presented with red envelopes. Red envelopes are a wedding tradition all across China as far as I know; instead of guests bringing gifts for the new couple, they all come with a red envelope with money inside. Usually the smallest amount would be 200 kuai, something like $30 (although compared to the cost of living, something much more along the lines of $100+). Another perk of being a foreigner: I was told not to bring a red envelope.
After the “ceremony” part at the restaurant, we had what I compared to a regular wedding reception in the U.S. There was tons of food, served Chinese style, of course. Most of the food was meat, which is more expensive so must be served to appear wealthy. The groom’s family is actually the host of this meal, though, and to my surprise doesn’t even get to sit down or eat this food. They were just wandering around the venue talking with people and making the bride’s guests and family feel welcome. The new couple also wandered around, of course, most notably to light a cigarette for every male and any female who smokes, and to give a little trinket to everyone else. Thankfully, I fell into the “everyone else” category.
This picture is simply to prove that I was actually at the wedding. I don’t want you to think that I just got some pictures from the internet and made up all this information for fun. Nope, I was there. The guy wearing the tastefully-chosen blue hoodie and jeans is my friend.
It’s impolite at a Chinese wedding to leave before the bride and groom. But since the whole event started so ridiculously early in the morning, we were out of the restaurant and heading off to our next activities by noon. Wow, what a morning!
1 comment:
very glad to see your blog and share your experience in China.
good luck to you.
:)
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